Purpose

I work for a startup in the Silicon Valley. Sometimes cash can run low. You have to make adjustments. You have to cut costs. Sometimes people are let go. I’ve worked for startups before. This is never a pleasant process if you reach this state.

By early spring this year we could see we basically had enough money to last us through the end of the year. If we did not receive further financing the company would not continue in the form it currently exists. I would move on. The last 6 months have been a grind working with potential investors. There’s a lot of due diligence. It’s quite a grind.

We were targeting a round of financing of perhaps $25M. Maybe $27M like our last round. Possibly push $30M if we got lucky. This would keep me in the Silicon Valley at least 3.5 more years. All this work came to fruition at the start of October. There was more investor interest than expected.  We got nearly $50M. There will probably be some press announcements regarding some of this funding in the near future. So, I’m signed up for the Silicon Valley for at least the next 3.5 years. After that I’ll evaluate if I want to work another 2 years. If I enjoy my work and working with the people I do as much as I currently do, I will give this serious consideration.

A partial benefit of going through these financial challenges as a company is that it has made me re-evaluate my life beyond engineering, explore some options, which eventually helped me define within my life a purpose. That purpose has given me clarity. And clarity for why I get out of bed every morning at 5am. I had been lacking a well-defined purpose and lacking purpose I had developed some bad habits.

The Silicon Valley can be a lonely place and I was drinking way too much a not uncommon problem in the Silicon Valley especially among single men. With a “purpose” I cut my drinking way back. 1 day a week… typically Saturday. It’s still too much on Saturday. It would be best if I eliminated this at some point as well. The first hour of my workout on Sunday morning before I watch 9 hours of football is usually spent working through a painful hangover. (I keep asking myself… why do I keep doing this with how painful it is on Sunday?) I don’t drink during the work week.

Like I said, the Silicon Valley can be a lonely place. The Saturday binge drinking probably keeps me from killing myself. Or killing someone else for that matter. I can be a bit out of control and crazy at times. I was talking to my son about this while watching football this morning. He said Mom said… (my ex-wife): “Dad is the only person I know that can drink like that and it has no effect on his body. He’s just like his Father. It’s probably because he’s Russian.” I laughed. I said: “I guess that’s a compliment. Great…”

Russian/Polish/Lithuanian more specifically. I think training 3 hours everyday probably helps. 3(40 minute) walks. I hour of lifting. I walk a bit less on weekends and lift a bit more. I take one day a week off from lifting… Thursday so I can watch Thursday night football.

Even during the period of “lack of purpose” and too much drinking, I went to work every day. It didn’t affect my work performance as I have been working as an electrical engineer for 25 years. Though I worked with some pretty bad hangovers. The key thing during times like this is just to keep showing up. Keep showing up until you figure things out… until you find that purpose. Like they say 90% of success is just showing up. So, just show up… even if you’re not at your best. You will eventually get there.

“Just showing up” I could still max out my 401K every year. I have a nice car and a nice apartment, but I live a fairly, conservative lifestyle. I spent a couple of weeks hiking and gambling with my son every year in Tahoe. Otherwise, I spend all my time lifting, reading, writing, and watching political or educational videos on you-tube. Other than football, I don’t watch television. There’s nothing worth watching. So, because my spending habit are fairly, conservative… after taxes I’m still able to put nearly 55% of my salary away towards retirement.

That’s part of the benefit of “just showing up” even when you’re a little lost and not at your best. And showing up day-after-day determines the lifestyle and what choices I have after my time working as an engineer in the Silicon Valley concludes. Exploring these options and then figuring out what I want to do has provided that purpose and clarity. I bounce out of bed every morning when the alarm clock goes off at 5am.

The thing that all this has taught me is you have to just keep trying. Grind it out. Things may be less than optimal. You may be lonely. You may be unhappy. There may be bad habits, health issues, or other problems in your life that need to be addressed but grind it out. Just grind it out. Try things. Learn. Read. Watch educational videos. Videos that give different perspectives of life. Grind it out. Learn. Learn.

If you keep at it and don’t give up, you will likely find purpose and clarity.

It takes time.

I think it works this way at all stages of life. I am grateful that I survived this sometimes, painful process of discovery. It has given me a lot of peace. I know what it is that I want to do and where I want to end up. I don’t sweat the small things… I pretty much don’t sweat anything. And I don’t get distracted by things that do not contribute to or that would interfere with my goals.

Most of my life I had laser focus as to why I bolted out of bed every morning.

I lost that for a while.

Now I have absolute certainty.

I’m good.